2008年3月3日 星期一
I was pacing around the whole morning...
Saw the lab manager walked past me at least 5 to 6times but I still didn't got enough courage to ask him that question.
I had already anticipated an answer like, "Oh no it's alright, we've got other people applying already."...but I thought at least I tried and there would be no regrets.
Then this opportunity came...
he was walking into the office, than I abruptly voiced my interest in the job.
I was backthrottled by his answer.
"No lah, you study first."
Then I asked him if he already found a suitable candidate.
He said, "No, but some of the previous interns have also shown interest in the job."
Then I could only do my best, smile and reply okay.
I really felt like crying at that very moment. Not because I couldn't get the job, but because I also wished I would have a chance of furthering my studies instead of being in the situation that I have to "beg" someone for something that I don't yearn for.
I felt so stupid, useless and immature for all the things that I did in the past.
I suddenly realised that I have nowhere to go now.
How stupid was I to realise that my grades in poly determines my admission in University.
I wasted it, destroyed it by myself.
I have no one to blame.
I could be stupid but at least hardworking would pull me through.
All I have are only regrets...
and there's nothing that I can do...but to regret...
I can't move on with my life...It's so hard...
I lost my goal and my motivation...
Why must it always be me?
Why must I realise it only till now?
Now there's nothing that I can do.
I can only pray hard...really hard that I get in Ntu...it's like only 0.00001% or maybe lesser of getting in...but I still carry this hope, though it's fading as time passes.
GOD, PLEASE HAVE SOME MERCY ON ME PLEASE!
This is my last step....and the most important step.
XL@凌晨3:18
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