2008年1月24日 星期四
I dunno why...my heart felt so painful...
It's like totally torned apart...
I don't feel good even after many people telling me that it would be good if I stayed...
I knew thy wanted me to stay because I'll be of some help to em in mercury...
Heard frm chemist tai that boss was very happy that I stayed...because he need someone to help with e mecury thing...
I also know that some people weren't very happy with me staying...
I know from their actions that they hoped it was Mitchell who stayed instead of me...
although they didn't say it out...but actions tell a million words...
Especially Christine and Sam...
They seriously looked like they preferred him over me...
His presence meant more than mine...
And somehow I felt like trash...wanting to stick my butt here refusing to leave despite people sweeping me away with a broom...
In another sense...I'm totally of no importance...
I told Christine I was going to stay fer 4 more weeks...
her reply,"Huh, so long ar?"
I don't need to elaborate any further...
I thought staying longer would be better because I liked the people so much...
Then I felt so lost when I realised those people (in fact e people whom I'm better with) couldn't care less if I was present at all...
I'll just be another normal student leaving..
I wished to be that special 1...whom everyone will rmb...
but I know they'll forget me...and still rmb Mitchell's presence...
Mitchell...everything's him...
He's more capable...everyone wants him to stay...
You think I don't want to look less blur and be more capable...
you think I don't want to look more intelligent?
I want to...I'm trying...but...no one knows...
Who wants to be blur and stupid....
TELL ME!
Thanks Chemist Tai fer consoling me...saying everyone have their own flair...
don't compare yourself with people...
those words boost me a lot...but it just can't cover the damage I got frm...them...
Starting out would be tough...aft you know ur stuff...you won't be looked down...that's what I should learn to do...
But currently my mind's keep telling me....I'm stupid I'm useless...I can't do anything well...
friendship...my work everything...
I'm collasping emotionally...
can anyone see?
XL@凌晨4:34
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